She was daddy's little girl
To have and to hold.
The day before Her 6th b-day
The last happy memories
She'll ever know.
She was absolutely forbidden
To talk to anyone
About what she did with daddy.
Her story is sad
But she learned
Early on
To fake
Happiness.
She decorates herself with
Smiles,
Butterflies,
Flowers,
And
Sweetness.
Trying to reclaim
Her stolen innocence.
Her family disowned her
When she was sixteen
For telling the truth.
She wonders
What life would have been
If her mother would have only believed her.
She wishes she had never been born
Into this dark cruel world
The only world she knows.
The most difficult thing
Is to forgive herself
And learn to let go.
She puts her heart through hell
Their love will always be sin
It's hard for her to understand
That it is his sin alone.
She's afraid of the stigma
Of her soiled past.
When she looks at herself
She sees no soul
No salvation.
She was never taught
To respect, care, and love
Her body.
She cares for everyone
But she treats herself like crap.
She never cries
Even though she is going
Through hell.
Her smile hides her pain
Her smile keeps her sane.
She's learned
How to hide her crazy
Keep it together
But under all that perfection
She is crumbling.
She tries to run away
From the darkness
Running from her mess.
No matter how far she runs
It is always there.
Torn and all jacked up
She numbs her pain
At the expense of her liver.
She has always known
What feels good
Hurts at the end.
It's one of those sad things
That happens in life.
If she could
She would
Slip away
And
Never wake up.
Susie, I retweeted you a little bit ago - you know - this guy ƪ◔‿◔/¯
ReplyDeleteI wasn't sexually abused - I was physically and psychologically abused - a lot of the feelings and coping seems the same. But I know it's NOT the same - there's not the same violation. That being said - I felt what you wrote here.
I do have to ask, given what has happened to you - and guessing you were once a person of faith (from the bit I've read) are you still? I'll follow you on twitter so you can answer me by DM - and I think you get contact info from my Google info.
Either way - I hearted this - and what you tweeted. God bless you!!
There is no greater betrayal than that of a parent. They can really hurt us, can't they? I wonder if they don't realize that one day we will grow up, and we will tell their dirty little secrets?
ReplyDeleteDid you tell your mother? I am 30 and have recently just been dealing with my abuse in my childhood. I don't know how she will react. I do not want to deal with everyone looking at me at Christmas...with those pity eyes. or worse, angry "you r lying" eyes.
ReplyDelete