THE PAST

I was 6 yrs old when I began getting molested by someone that should have loved me and taken care of me. I was molested until I turned 13 yrs old. Yes, on my 13th birthday my present was rape. Happy birthday to me! The rape continued until I was 16 yrs old. I would avoid him as much as possible. When I turned 19 yrs old, I met a 40 yr old man in college. He swept me off my feet. Soon after I moved in with him. He was so caring. He loved me, so I thought. It wasn't to long when he started verbally abusing me. He would push me once in a while, but he wouldn't hit me. I thought it was ok since he financially provided for me. I had no one. He was the only one. He would force me to have sex when ever he demanded it. Even when I was ill, like the night after my car accident. When I graduated from nursing school it got worse. He began hitting me. He would accuse me of cheating on him with the doctors and the male nurses from work. I became pregnant by him. Two months later I miscarried. I was glad. I didn't want anything of his. I didn't want a child into that relationship. I had two surgeries from the miscarriage. On one of my doctors visit, my doctor noticed the bruises. He confronted me about the bruises- chest, abdomen, arms, thighs, and legs. I was to embarrassed to tell him. I worked for him in the hospital. What was he going to think. A nurse who couldn't even care for herself.  He took pictures of my bruised body and documented. He notified the police. My ex was arrested. He only served one year in prison. My doctor helped along the way. He helped me get a protective order. I continued working for one more year, but I was not doing well emotionally and physically. I resigned from my job as a nurse. I couldn't function. It's been 3 yrs, and I can't seem to get my life back together again. I left everything and traveled for a couple years. I just recently came back to my hometown. I'm trying to get back into life, but it's been difficult. I pray each and everyday that God gives me the strength to be able to at least live a so called 'normal' life. The ironic thing about all this situation is that as a nurse, I helped out two of my patients to get out of an abusive situation, but I never did anything to get out of mine.